The infamous Ted Kaczynski may have forever emblazoned the title "The Unabomber" into our American nomenclature, but I have the good fortune to coin a new, much more benign term as I wander around with one deflated titty...I am the self-proclaimed "Uniboober." Yes, cancer has dished up its next helping of humility and satire.
Why, you may ask, do I find myself in this predicament? Radiation therapy requires a beam to be shot at my chest at a particular angle to lessen the damage to "good tissue" like my heart and lungs (which I tend to place great value in). In order to achieve that proper angle, the doctor had to remove nearly all the expansion fluid from one boob. Oh, yes, it looks exactly as you may be imagining...so sorry for the visual.
I've been prancing around like a damn unicorn for nearly two weeks now but I'm finally getting about as used to it as possible. I have been trying to patiently wait for the call to say the radiation oncologist has my plan all calculated and we can get this rolling. I am sporting some lovely crosshair marks on my torso so they can properly align me once in the machine. All I've been needing is the date and time to show up! Well, with a little urging from my dear Dr. Flora today, I got placed into the schedule to begin radiation therapy Thursday!!! I know this may seem odd to get excited about radiation, but I truly am ready to do this thing! I have 28 rounds ahead of me.
My Lone Star State loved ones, I am sad to say that doesn't put us in Texas until sometime during the last week of June...if I skip having my right boob re-inflated after radiation which would take four more weeks. The kids are having a hard time with this delay but there is no way to speed it up. I can't say I've ever seen a one-tittied woman in a bathing suit. Omigosh this is gonna be a summer to remember!
Shifting gears, I want to spend a few moments to ask for support for my cousin Jeanne Beckwith Elberfeld whom I reported recently tested positive for the CHEK2 gene. She just found out that she, too, has breast cancer. She does not yet have the details or plan of action, but I know that she will need all the love and encouragement the universe can offer. Jeanne, you are in my thoughts and I will always be here for you whenever you may need me.
I'll leave you with one final thought...I told you my hair is in the process of sprouting. This includes my eyebrows (although oddly enough I have now lost all but two brave eyelashes). I must say my eyebrows are EXCITED to be back in business. One might call them overzealous. Should this continue, I may be known as the "Unibrow Uniboober!"
No comments:
Post a Comment